Well, it's been one of those days. Started out great and now I'm on the opposite end.. How can I turn so quickly. I'm thinking this blog is becoming more of a very personal journal because some deep stuff is going to come out. Not sure I'm ready for that and I don't think some of you will be either. So, had a great day. Went to Costco with the boys, made it home by noon and all was good. Come 4:00 I always start to stress. I'm not sure if it's because all 3 kids are going to be home and chaos happens immediately. Not sure if it's because my husband is still sleeping (he works nights). Once we are all home everything blows up. I've got stuff to do, Maylea has homework, Gentry wants a piece of gum, and River wants to eat. I want to know why the smallest of things makes my blood boil and I can't control it. I love my kids, but sometimes I want to squeeze them so hard ( I really don't do this, so don't think you have to start calling DHS). Why can't I keep myself under control. I think I get it from my mom. When I was a kid she would blow up and we'd have to walk on egg shells most days. I don't want to be that kind of mom. I want to be patient and most of all loving. I want my kids to know I love them, every second of every day. It seems so simple of a task, but yet it isn't achievable for me. I blow up, I scream. It's a rage I cannot control. So by saying all of this, leads me to asking can Project: BTWG start any sooner? I'm looking at this project to changing my life. This isn't all about my physical appearance anymore, it's about me being whole. I'm guessing it's the meditation that does it. I don't meditate. I've been reading Chris's blogs about his 365 day challenge and I know I couldn't do it. How can you sit and do nothing? Being a mom of 3 and a wife there's no way. I can list a page full of things I need to do right now. Dinner needs to be put away, dishes need to be unloaded out of the dishwasher and the dirty ones need to be put in it. I need to work on Maylea's scrapbook that I'm already a year behind on. I'd really like to shower and get to bed before midnight. Meditate? Come on!
I'm counting down the days for us to begin and my transformation to start. But my real question is: Can I really change inside?