Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What is this?

So, it's Wednesday, half way into the week.  I did my exercises on Monday and Tuesday and I wake up today and I feel like I got his by a freight train!  I am exhausted!  Is this part of it?  The whole detox thing?  I'm not sure if I'm getting sick;  I feel pretty good, just extremely tired.  I just woke up from a 3 hour nap and could have slept more.  Whatever it is I don't like it.  Could use some help with this area:)

I've learned that my body is like a machine that needs to be tended to about every 2-3 hours.  If I wait any longer than that to eat, it's too late.  I tried to look at the food as I eat as fuel, nothing else.  It's hard though because I think I am addicted to chocolate or sweets.  I crave sweet things after every meal.  I wish I could get past that stage.  Someone told me after 2 weeks it should go away.  I'm looking forward to that date!

I was able to meditate again last night.  Again, I got goose bumps.  (I'm taking that as a good sign and that my body needs and enjoys it).  I made it the whole way through and slept like a log.

As always, thanks for listening ;D

Monday, January 24, 2011

SS Transformation under way!

Officially, it's been a week.  Things have been pretty good so far.  I was very pleased with my weigh in on Saturday.  I've been working out at PR Fitness for 9 months and while I know I have gained muscle, the scales haven't budged a bit.  First week of BTWG--they BUDGED!!!  I was stoked and couldn't believe it.  Saturday was kind of a crazy day and Sunday too, so my eating KIND OF went to poop.  I didn't eat great.  I felt like I snacked a lot on mostly heathly snacks, but felt like I never really had a meal.  A big part of that was it was time to go to the grocery.  I normally go on Monday's, so Sunday was a hard day to get through.  I ended my day by meditating.  I missed it on Thursday, but made it a point to do it Sunday night.  It was incredible.  I remember getting goose bumps at least twice.  I have NEVER done anything like that in my life.  I didn't have a timer so I was concerned about the time, but I sat down in my closet floor (what a place huh?) and just listened.  Of course my mind RACED, but I know over time it will slow down.  I know it really isn't prayer time, but I got a few things in as well.  Before I knew it I had been sitting for 15 minutes.  It felt really good!  I feel it even carried over in my day today.  I had an awful time at the grocery store with 2 little kids.  I would say I have the world record for being in a grocery store the longest:  1 hour 30 minutes!  I was miserable.  Between 20 minutes at the deli, a bathroom break right in the middle, and loosing a sucker (found it in my coat hat:) it was chaos.  However, we made it out alive, I did not blow any gaskets (sp) and my kids had all limbs in tact!  I think I will credit my calmness to my mediation last night.  I'm looking forward to my next one and hope it brings more peace within me.
I cannot say enough positive things about this program!  I hope I can keep it up throughout my life and live a long and healthy life like Jack:  May he rest in peace!  Until next time:)

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Day 3

So, it's day 3 of this awesome project and I'm hanging in there.  Although I already failed on my first meditation:(, I know I can hang in there!  So lucky me got to start BTWG along with my period:)  (For all you men out there, I apoligize, but this project is going to help me get through this time of month).  So, day one is good, logging calories along the way, but I'm feeling hungry all day.  Finally thought maybe I wasn't eating enough.  Day 2 rolls around and I am craving sweets like crazy.  All day I try to ignore them.  I drink more water, nope.  I eat some yummy nut clusters thinking I needed something crunchy, nope.  Finally after a pretty big dinner, I have had enough.  If I don't have something sweet to eat I am going to blow!  Out of my pantry/ freezer comes things I didn't even know I had.  (If you are hungry or are craving sweets, you may not want to read anymore of this.)  We've got ice cream (My husband works for Schwans--how lovely is that), M&M's, chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, nuts and whipped cream.  I know I should NOT be eating this.  But, as I'm filling up my bowl, I looked to see what a serving size of ice cream is and how many calories-YIKES!  That will make you think twice:)  I proceed with my toppings and I sit down to eat...already feeling guilty, but I can't shake this craving.  I eat it and I eat it all.  Yes, I feel guilty, yes I logged it, but it's over with.  I caved, I can work on not caving and finding better ways to get through this.  Other than missing my meditation and this indulgence, not so bad. 
I like the accountability of this program.  I like knowing someone is going to look at what I ate for the week and what I did and didn't do.  If I'm not up to where I should be I'm hoping I'm going to get punshed.  Ok, not really, but there should be consequences.  I'm guessing that's where the scale comes into play.
I made mac-n-cheese for my kiddos today and couldn't believe the calories that were in it once it's prepared!
Crazy how I had no idea before.
     I'm a bit obsessed with counting calories and I hope my husband can put up with it.  He's not liking it at all.  One thing that's hard for me is my husband is able to bring home DAMAGED food that would normally be thrown away.  This stuff is NOT good for you.  Until this project, we eat it.  It's free, it's meals for our family, it cuts down on the grocery budget.  I have asked my husband not to bring home any food that isn't somewhat healthy for you.  He wasn't crazy about the idea.  Don't get me wrong, Joe supports me and this project, but he likes his food and he's lucky he doesn't have to worry about his physique like I do.  So, the first big challenge for me is how do I keep my husband from bringing home unhealthy free food?
Well, these are my thoughts all scrambled up, but finally got to come out after a few days.  Until next time:)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Boiling and don't know why.

Well, it's been one of those days.  Started out great and now I'm on the opposite end..  How can I turn so quickly.  I'm thinking this blog is becoming more of a very personal journal because some deep stuff is going to come out.  Not sure I'm ready for that and I don't think some of you will be either.  So, had a great day.  Went to Costco with the boys, made it home by noon and all was good.  Come 4:00 I always start to stress.  I'm  not sure if it's because all 3 kids are going to be home and chaos happens immediately.  Not sure if it's because my husband is still sleeping (he works nights).  Once we are all home everything blows up.  I've got stuff to do, Maylea has homework, Gentry wants a piece of gum, and River wants to eat.  I want to know why the smallest of things makes my blood boil and I can't control it.  I love my kids, but sometimes I want to squeeze them so hard ( I really don't do this, so don't think you have to start calling DHS).  Why can't I keep myself under control.  I think I get it from my mom.  When I was a kid she would blow up and we'd have to walk on egg shells most days.  I don't want to be that kind of mom.  I want to be patient and most of all loving.  I want my kids to know I love them, every second of every day.  It seems so simple of a task, but yet it isn't achievable for me.  I blow up, I scream.  It's a rage I cannot control.  So by saying all of this, leads me to asking can Project: BTWG start any sooner?  I'm looking at this project to changing my life.  This isn't all about my physical appearance anymore, it's about me being whole.  I'm guessing it's the meditation that does it.  I don't meditate.  I've been reading Chris's blogs about his 365 day challenge and I know I couldn't do it.  How can you sit and do nothing?  Being a mom of 3 and a wife there's no way.  I can list a page full of things I need to do right now.  Dinner needs to be put away, dishes need to be unloaded out of the dishwasher and the dirty ones need to be put in it.  I need to work on Maylea's scrapbook that I'm already a year behind on.  I'd really like to shower and get to bed before midnight.  Meditate?  Come on! 
I'm counting down the days for us to begin and my transformation to start.  But my real question is:  Can I really change inside?